i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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