and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Too much gin, very little bucket
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
