Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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