I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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