the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
