that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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