When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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