He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize