I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
