i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize