Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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