Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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