Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
