Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
