My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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