i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
