Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
