new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
