Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
