yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
