do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
