is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
