Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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