Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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