I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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