About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
