Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
