I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
