ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
