My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Are we in a gay sports bar?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
