Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
