btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize