Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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