make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
