She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
