I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
