wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
