So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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