to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
