I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
