i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
