The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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