i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
