So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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