having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
