dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
