so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
