6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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