Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
