Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
