Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
