WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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