i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
