I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
