I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
