pop tarts are not kleenex
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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