I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
