I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
