It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
