it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
