he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
